You can’t control what I write on the internet. You can’t control it, you can’t control it. So go to hell if you want me to uphold the politically correct facade. Why is everything wrong in this world? Why is everything bound and chained.  I know why I like yaoi now, above the fascination with a species of human that I rarely get to be with (MEN). It’s bound in chains. It’s everything that’s right in the wrong world. It’s freedom unleashed. Yaoi isn’t just random friggin gay porn. To me it’s more than that, it’s people connecting despite difficulties, despite taboos, despite ANYTHING. It’s love overcoming, seriously, EVERYTHING. It doesn’t always succeed either. It’s frail and it’s breakable and it’s just like a person’s life.  It’s in a box. And I often feel like I live in a box. The older I get the smaller the box gets, ’till I can’t breath. I’m an artist. You just can’t control an artist and hope it doesn’t break. Artists don’t operate on the same juice other people operate. I don’t feel good when I’m normal! I don’t feel complete when I’m doing what’s expected. I feel awful, god-awful, I would rather DIE sometimes than do the things other people think should make me happy. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Let me do what makes ME happy. This isn’t about all of us doing what’s expected. I’m not NORMAL. FUCK NO. Why the hell would I want to be? There are many more weirdos in life, I fit in with THEM! SO!? Sorry, right now I’m venting because life was trying to remind me of everything I “CAN’T” do. And I’m holding it in so it doesn’t burst out, because this only builds up my need for vendetta. And then they ask why people carry chips on their shoulders. Fucking regret. It gets nobody nowhere. Long live Brian Kinney. No Apologies, No Regrets. LIFE just BE that way. GOD. 

Today the story’s come full circle. Both my best friends like yaoi. I am very, very pleased.

She couldn’t have said it better: ”I’ve recently discovered yaoi and consider it beautiful and breathless. I’ve wondered myself what, exactly, appeals to me about it, and have mostly failed to come up with the words. I think, perhaps, there is something about seeing a man so completely overcome that he responds directly to the person, regardless of anything (including gender!). So many men, at least in this culture, seem so very divorced from their emotions that it’s a delight to see (once again, for me) the sweep and power of male passion: I can imagine myself as one of the participants, the object of all that desire.“ So was the comment of 55 year-old widow on The Beat’s Article on “Yaoi and Boy’s Love” featured on Publisher’s Weekly. I couldn’t agree more. Nothing like the sweeping passion of a man to set all our female hearts aflutter. If men knew just how powerful their emotions are… if they knew… 

The best advice anyone can give an aspiring artist: “Get good lawyers”

Today my agents told it to me straight. Music is like Santa Claus, the industry is ma’ and pa’, and the listeners are children. Just because now I’m a part of the industry, doesn’t mean I have to destroy the illusion that is the world of entertainment.

Now that’s kind of hard. I mean, who wants to tell their children Santa isn’t real… well, you tell me.